The Uncommon Stories Behind Common Wedding Practices

By Erin Monaghan

The term wedding is believed to have derived from the Greek and Old English word “wed” meaning “pledge.” Essentially that is what weddings have been and continue to be, a pledge between two people. Weddings today, unlike their ancient counter parts, have become large elaborate affairs costing tens of thousands of dollars.

The average American wedding costs between $25,000 and $30,000 for the fairy tale beginning. Expensive items frequently include attire, rings, flowers and reception party. Additionally, brides and grooms succumb to all the traditions and nuances associated with the wedding and engagement processes. Like their parents before them, and their parents before that, couples continue to practice rituals left over from hundreds of years of practice and evolution.

We know the bride traditionally wears white to symbolize purity, virtue and virginity. Additionally, we know the old story about the wedding ring finger, the third finger on the left hand, was believed to have a vein that ran directly to the heart symbolizing eternal love and the circular shape indicated love with no beginning and no end. But, there are several traditions still carried out today that many have no idea of their meaning or origin. These are a few of the lesser–known stories behind commonly used practices still associated with weddings today:

The Engagement

We know the engagement ring represents the couple’s promise of a future together and was frequently seen as a partial payment to the father for the woman’s hand. However, the concept of an engagement party and ring shares it’s roots from generations ago.

After a couple made the formal announcement to marry, such as an engagement party, they were officially bound together. Former suitors were no longer allowed to see the bride–to–be and if one were to call off the wedding, the other had legal rights to half their property.

Evidence of the engagement ring has been around since medieval Italy and the symbol of using diamonds goes back to ancient Greece and Rome. The Greeks believed them to be tears from the Gods and Romans thought they were splinters from the falling stars that tipped the arrows Eros, of the god of love.

The Bridal Shower/ Bachelorette Party

Traditionally, a bridal shower or bachelorette is a gathering of the brides friends and family where they “shower” her with small gifts. The difference between the two is a shower usually consists of female family in a relatively formal setting. The bachelorette party is usually thrown by the brides girlfriends and resembles a bachelor party where the bride it taken for a night out on the town.

The tradition of the shower can be traced back to Holland during a time when the bride’s father was expected to pay a dowry to the bridegroom. If the father did not agree with his daughter’s choice of husband he could refuse to pay her dowry, therefore, her girlfriends would throw her a party bringing gifts and favors to help her pay her own dowry.

Another custom is for the friends to place the small gifts inside a parasol and open it over the bride’s head, thus, “showering” her with gifts. This particular tradition has morphed into a hat with all the decorative wrapping bows from the gifts she receives.

Bachelor Party

We all know what a bachelor party is, a night when the groom and his friends go out and have one last night on the town. Bachelor parties haven’t changed much since their inception. Men have been gathering and getting drunk, celebrating the groom’s last days as a single man, since the Spartan times.

White Wedding Dress

Today it is common for women to wear a white wedding dress. We know this traditionally denotes purity and virginity; however, the fashion statement wasn’t popular until Queen Victoria wore a white dress for her wedding, instead of the usual silver. The Queen’s photo was posted all over England. Soon after women across the country began to wear white for their own weddings.

The Veil

Although in today’s weddings it is common for brides to forgo the presence of a veil, but very traditional ceremonies and dresses still incorporate it.

The direct origins of the veil is unknown. Many cultures use it for various reasons.

The wedding day is joyous occasion and the bride is particularly susceptible to evil spirits. The veil was used as a way to hide or disguise the bride from these spirits.

In Victorian times, it symbolized modesty and chastity, but when pre–arranged marriages were common, the veil was used to hide the bride’s face from her betrothed until he took his final vows. Therefore, no matter what she looked like he was stuck with her. This is also where the superstition about seeing the bride on the wedding day evolved from.

Placing a Penny in the Bride�s Shoe

The last line of the popular “Something old, something new�” poem was “And a silver sixpence in your shoe.” Although this line is often left out in American versions of the poem, many brides still place a penny, instead of a sixpence, in their shoe for good luck, wealth and prosperity.

The Wedding March

There are two songs synonymous with traditional weddings, the “Bridal Chorus” for when the bride walks down the isle and the “Wedding March” for when they leave the church. These songs were first used in the wedding of Princess Victoria of England, daughter of Queen Victoria. A fan of the arts it’s believed she chose the songs herself. The songs have been used regularly since.

Flowers

Flowers are expensive and elaborate decorations meant to make a wedding feel beautiful and colorful. Flowers were originally incorporated to represent fertility, purity and the life cycle. The smell of the flowers and herbs were meant to ward off evil spirits.

A more romantic story about a groom’s buttoner is associated with knights when they would wear their lady’s color or handkerchief for good luck. Now, the buttoner matches the colors and flowers in the bouquet.

Bridesmaids

Serving as a bridesmaid in modern weddings is seen as an honor and a pain in the neck. A bride will ask her closest female friends and relatives to stand at her side as she takes her vows.

Historically, bridesmaids would dress similarly to the bride and were used as a deterrent for evil spirits planning to attack the bride on her special day.

Best Man

The best man in today’s ceremonies is usually the groom’s brother or best friend. The best man usually has three duties bestowed upon him; one, throw the bachelor party; two, keep the rings safe and three, make sure the groom gets to the ceremony.

When it was common for men to steal or capture their brides, the groom invited his “best man” to help fight off her male relatives or other potential suitors and help him get away with the girl. Additionally, he would then stand at the groom’s side during the ceremony and help fight off anyone that would try to steal the girl back. This threat also explains why the bride stands on the left of the groom and his best man on the right. These positions allow for the groom’s sword arm to be free incase of an attack.

The Ring

Commonly a metal ring represents the strength and never ending love between two people. Over the course of the years the material and the ring itself has changed but the meaning was essentially the same. There are some stories that ancient people would bind the women’s wrists and ankles to ensure her spirit would stay with her for a very long time.

The Kiss

The kiss now symbolizes the union and joining of souls of two people in front of their friends and family, but in early Rome it was a legal bond that sealed the wedding contract.

Toasting

Typically, the best man is assigned the task of toasting the new couple on their happy union. He stands up, tells a few embarrassing stories and tries to be funny, but the idea of toasting the bride and groom goes back hundreds of years.

Toasting is the ancient French custom of placing a piece of bread or a crouton in the bottom of a glass filled with wine, champagne or some other libation. There are two ways of “toasting.” One, when the person giving the toast is finished with their speech they would drain their glass and drink the bread. The second is the glass would be passed around to party guests and when it reached the person being toasted he would drink whatever was left, including the piece of soggy crouton.

Wedding Cake

Cutting the wedding cake is a common ritual seeped in tradition and often performed by couples without any idea where the custom comes from, how it started or what it means. Now, it represents the couple’s new life together and the two sharing in fruitfulness and bounty. Historically, they represented fertility.

Early wedding cakes were simple confections. Romans would break a loaf of bread above the bride’s head. Later, Britons baked fruit and nuts into the cakes. In some customs guest would throw small cakes or crumbs over the bride’s head.

It’s said that unmarried guests that sleep with a piece of cake under their pillow will dream of their future partners.

Throwing the Bouquet

There is also an old tradition that can be dated back to England where guests would clamor and claw at the bride tearing bits of clothing hoping to obtain some of her good fortune. As a distraction, she would throw her shoe into the crowd. Later she began throwing her bouquet.

Throwing the garter

This tradition is similar to the throwing of the bouquet except the good fortune is meant to be passed to the single men. In the 14th century the bride threw her own garter; however, it is believed this change after too many drunken men became impatient and tried to remove the garter themselves.

Decorating the Outside of the Limo

Frequently, we see a limo or car obnoxiously decorated with shaving cream, cans and condoms driving across town. This tradition has several beginnings. In England, as the couple rode away in their carriage after the wedding, the guests would gather and throw old shoes at them as they drove away, it was considered lucky if they hit the carriage. Later people began tying the shoes to the back.

Additionally, guests would bang pots and ring cowbells because they believed loud noises would scare off the evil spirits bent on ruining the couple’s union. In place of shoes, people began to tie cans and other objects that would make noise off the back of the carriage to scare off the spirits.

Carrying Across the Threshold

Many new couples have no idea why they perform this age–old ritual. Today the concept of carrying a new bride over the threshold is more for show than anything else.

There are a few different stories behind the tradition of carrying the bride over the threshold of the couple’s new home. It was considered bad luck if she were to trip while coming into the house or to have one foot in the door and one foot out. It was also considered “un–lady–like” for a new bride to seem willing to go into her new husband’s home or bedroom. Instead he would have to carry her in.

One tradition is left over from a time when men commonly stole their wives and had to literally carry the woman home.

Honeymoon

Honeymoons in recent years have become expensive get–a–way vacations to dream locations, but the origins of the honeymoon concept is fuzzy. A general consensus says, newly married couples would hide away for the cycle of one moon and drink honey wine made from mead intended to help with fertility. In some cases, this was voluntary and in others, the men would hide their stolen or captured wives for one month to ensure a pregnancy.

These are all practices and traditions still practiced in traditional weddings today. Many of these traditions have evolved from silly superstitions left over from superstitious cultures. Many of us claim not to believe in those superstitions; yet, we still carry out the actions with little or no question as to where they came from or what they mean. With divorce rates in the United States at nearly 50 percent, I suppose it’s better safe than sorry.

Resources

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http://www.worldweddingtraditions.com/locations/north_american_traditions.html

Harper, C. (n.d.). Wedding Traditions and Lore. GAgirl.com. Retrieved April 9, 2007, from
http://www.gagirl.com/wedding/wedding.html

SuperWeddings. (n.d.). Wedding Customs, Traditions and Rituals. Retrieved April 9, 2007, from
http://www.superweddings.com/article-customsandtraditions.html

Weddings.co.uk. (n.d.). Wedding Customs and Superstitions – Weddings UK. Retrieved April 9, 2007, from
http://www.weddings.co.uk/info/tradsupe.htm#oldnew

Your Wedding 101. (n.d.). Popular Wedding Traditions. Retrieved April 9, 2007, from
http://www.yourwedding101.com/wedding-basics/popular-wedding-traditions.aspx

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